To this day, my parents and sisters love to tease me about my lifelong resistance to change. Growing up, we had our usual seats at the dinner table. But to me, you might as well have signed a binding contract obligating you to sit in that seat at every dinner, no matter what, till you died--or graduated high school. My less anti-change sisters always wanted to change up the seating assignments--and I would panic and reject their suggestion with gumption. My parents eventually came to a compromise: I could sit in my seat at every dinner. But if my sisters wanted to rearrange everyone else's seats, they were allowed to do that. You would think I could see the fairness in the compromise... but no. It always made me mad. And there's a part of me that still wonders if they only insisted on changing things up because it made me mad, but they'd never fess up to that. Hah! Now why am I'm telling you this riveting tale of dinner seat assignments from my childhood? I feel like it so thoroughly shows just how much I don't like change. Sitting in a different seat at the dinner table is a fairly minor thing. My life, as a whole, was not largely affected by it. Yet I resisted it with a passion.
I like structure. I like routine and consistency and planning. I don't care for spontaneity, though having children has certainly helped me loosen up in some areas. (For example, I don't have to sit in the same seat at dinner anymore. Hah!) Change is hard for me. And for whatever reason, the Lord has decided to take every familiar, stable, consistent thing in my life right now...and change it. Some of it was planned--like having a baby. (Well, more or less planned.) I've known for months now, that we were going to be adding another baby to our family. I've had plenty of time to prepare and anticipate it and mentally ready myself for all that's coming. (Not that you can fully prepare yourself for such a big change, but I chose this big change. And I'm doing everything I can to be ready for it.) But you know what happens to me when I already have a big change coming (chosen or not)? I can't handle more big changes. My emotional stability comes rapidly crashing down because for goodness' sake, that is NOT how I planned it!
At the end of February, Travis came home from work one day and told me that the Caterpillar manufacturing plant he works at (and has for five years) is shutting down at the end of the year. My whole world crumbled. On the upside, he was given plenty of time to find another job. On the downside, we're having a baby. We just bought our house. We have a wonderful community of friends. My sister just moved here last summer. I know how to get almost everywhere in Waco. We love our church. Our kids have friends here. I love HEB and don't know how to grocery shop anywhere else. I've established roots, and I don't want to pull them up ... but in the engineering world, Waco is a manufacturing town. My husband doesn't love manufacturing. He doesn't want to support an already designed process--he wants to help design the process. And to do that, we have to leave. And THAT change makes this 38 week, 4 day pregnant mama want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. But apparently the Lord wants me to learn to embrace change--all the change, all at the same time.
As of last week, Travis has accepted a new position with Caterpillar in Tucson, AZ, and we will be moving there in August.
My primary focus right now is having this baby. That's all the change I can handle right now. But in a month or so, when my precious baby girl is here, the gravity of the change will hit me. And it will hit hard. And the tears will flow and the fears will emerge...and I will have to learn how to allow change into my life gracefully. I will need to remind myself how much happier my husband will be in a job he loves. I will need to look for the positives of moving to a state I've never even been to. I will need to remind myself to be bold and make friends. But mostly, I will need to trust that the Lord has a plan for us in Tucson. It may not be where I would have chosen, but it's where HE chose, and that's what matters the most. My kids are young and resilient and desperately need me to be excited and adventurous about this change. Daddy sees and yearns for the adventure--and Mommy needs to catch the vision.
In other news...
Our sweet baby girl will be here in two-ish weeks. Give or take. [This weekend would be great since Travis has a four day weekend--but something tells me she's not paying attention to my preferences.]
My mom arrives in less than two weeks!
We survived Logan and Raelyn's joint birthday party last weekend--next year we'll get to add another party to the mix!
I've thrown all calorie caution to the wind and now eat whatever I want, whenever I want because..well, because I no longer care. 38.5 weeks, people. I'm huge. Why not embrace it at this point?
The upside of moving is that I LOVE looking at houses. And since we've moved houses at least every two years since we got married, we now know exactly what we like in a house. Silver linings, friends!
Our fridge is having problems. Again. Wouldn't you agree that this is the perfect time to not be able to use your fridge?
My exhaustion has definitely kicked in. And there's a chocolate pudding/cheesecake parfait (of my own creation, I might add) that's calling my name from our little mini fridge. So I'm going to wrap this up. Plus, I have to pick up the kids from their once-a-week save-my-sanity childcare in just a couple hours. My free time is running out! Have a wonderful day, Friends! :) And please pray for us as we embark on...well, a lot of change.
Enjoy Tucson, AZ! I've been there a few times (mainly when I was a kid). I remember really liking it :) However, it's a desert so it won't be green like here. Praying for your adjustment!
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