Everyday we wake up so unaware. We have no idea what the day ahead holds. Sometimes we get to the end of it and realize that it was a great day, and other times...we don't even want to think about it. Sometimes the day can't end fast enough. Because then tomorrow can come, and we can start fresh.
Today was one of those not-so-great days.
We're in the fully-committed phase of potty training (the fully committed person being me), so I've already changed a certain two-year-old's panties four times. She's on her fifth pair. And that was all before 1:00 pm. Two of those clean ups involved poop. All of this after staying dry all day yesterday. If that doesn't tell you that this girl knows exactly what to do and simply chooses when to do it, I don't know what does.
Logan goes to preschool on MWF. I got four people fed, dressed, teeth brushed (only three on that one), and out the door on time. I packed Logan a nutritious snack of strawberries, carrot sticks, and goldfish, filled his cup with ice water, and put everything in his backpack. We got all the way to preschool when I discovered that after all my hard work, Logan hadn't managed to put his backpack in the car. I got to drive to and from the school twice, bringing my total driving time (plus loading, unloading, loading the girls) to almost an hour and a half. His preschool is only three hours long.
I made lunch for everyone. I got each kid down for their afternoon naps. I decided to be diligent and unload the dishwasher and then reload the dishwasher. I sat down to finally enjoy some downtime when Ollie woke up from her nap. No downtime for this mama.
With Ollie in tow, I watched the next lesson on the Six Truths of Motherhood I've been watching the last few days. My Bible reading has been fairly non-existent of late, and my excuse is always, "By the time I get the kids down--for nap or bed--I'm too tired to read anything. My brain feels like mush." But you know what I can do? I can listen. I am 100% a visual learner. I am not good at solely listening to a lesson. Learning to take notes in middle school and high school is the only reason I didn't fail every class I ever took. I wrote down everything my teachers said. If I could later read it--see it--I would remember it. And I love reading. I miss reading. But right now, I just can't do it. I'm just too tired or worn out. But watching a lesson on motherhood and the struggles we face and the joys we experience, I have no excuse not to do that. And it has been so incredibly helpful. Today the lesson was on resentment. Initially I thought, "This probably won't apply to me a whole lot." But then she started talking. And by the end of the lesson, not only had it applied to me, but I was in tears. Because without even realizing it, I've been living with a heart full of resentment for weeks. Maybe longer. And it's miserable.
Because, you see, everything that went wrong today, in my very resentful head, wouldn't have happened if we hadn't moved.
If we hadn't moved, I might have potty trained Raelyn a couple months ago, and I'd be done with it by now. If we hadn't moved, Logan would still be going to preschool for five and a half hours a day, not three. And Raelyn would be going too! He may have still left his backpack, but I would have still had hours of fewer-kids-time after dropping it off. And with this time extra time, my two older kids would nap at school (so I wouldn't even have had to do nap time--hallelujah!), and Ollie waking up from her nap wouldn't have mattered because I would have had some downtime already. If only we hadn't moved. But you know what? While some of that might be true, some of it is a bunch of hogwash. And the truth of it is, if I wanted to, I could look at all the good things that happened today instead of the bad. And believe it or not, there might even be a lot.
Let's see...
After making two round trips to the preschool, my neighbor (whose kids go to the same preschool as Logan) was willing to pick Logan up for me, so I wouldn't have to load the girls up again. If we hadn't moved, I wouldn't have had that.
My kids ate their lunches today without complaint.
Raelyn has actually used the potty more than she's had accidents. (And one of those accidents hardly counts because she caught herself pretty quickly and mostly peed on the potty.) And she woke up from her nap dry!!
I didn't have to go anywhere to get some sweet tea, because my husband picked up a free gallon of it last week. If we hadn't moved... that gallon would have cost nearly $7.00.
Travis got home at 4:00!
There are always going to be things that just don't go right. But there will also be things that are great--if we're willing to look for them. Every time I'm in an argument with Travis about anything, I have to bite my tongue not to say "If you hadn't made us move, we wouldn't need that/that wouldn't have happened/my day would have been better/etc."... but that's not fair to him. We made the decision to move together because we felt like it was what the Lord wanted for us. To resent him for something I agreed to and that the Lord led us to, is not only unfair, it's wrong. And today I'm owning that. I'm accepting that this move has been hard, but it's also been great. The Lord knew my biggest fear about moving was trying to start over and make new friends--so He provided friendly neighbors that welcomed us so quickly and gave us immediate community. I've started a "Focus on the Good" list... and it's making me a more pleasant mom, wife, and person.
Kid Quotes/Stories:
-Travis: [to the fussing kids in the car] Guys, look out the window. Count the cactuses.
[Five minutes later]
Logan: Daddy, what comes after 59?
Moral of the story: there are a lot of cactuses here (or cacti, if "cactuses" bothers you)
-Raelyn: Can I plug it out? [When you think about it, that makes a lot more sense than "unplug it."]
-Logan: Daddy, let's drive to go visit nature!
-Me: [while in the car] Logan, is Ollie awake or asleep?
Logan: She's asleep.
Raelyn: She's awake.
Logan: No, Raelyn. She's asleep!
Raelyn: She's awake!
Me: Raelyn can't even see Ollie, Logan. Please just ignore her.
[Raelyn always says the opposite of what Logan says, because she knows it's going to upset him. And it does. Every. Single. Time.]
-Logan: Mommy, we can be lots of things when we grow up, right?
Me: Sure.
Logan: Because I'm going to be a firefighter on a moto-cycle and a police and an ambulance and a garbage truck and a football player.
Kid's got dreams!
-Raelyn: We have robots in our house?
Me: No, we don't have robots.
Raelyn: Why?
-Logan: So that just happened.
Monday, September 10, 2018
Friday, August 31, 2018
Tales of Tucson and the Twos
This has been a long month. Must have something to do with starting the month in one state and ending it in another. And I haven't quite figured out the logic behind it yet, but switching to a two hour time difference is much harder than it should be. We managed to overcome a thirteen hour time difference when we went back to Indonesia for Christmas a year and a half ago--and that included two-year-old Logan and seven-month-old Raelyn. A week or so later, and we had flipped our days and nights. Then we move to Arizona and it takes forever to adjust back two hours. The kids are finally waking up at or a bit after 6:00, but we had to put up curtains for that to happen. I don't know if we'll ever get back to 7:00 wake ups. Most of our boxes are unpacked, though the dismantled boxes have taken over half of our garage. We've never moved to a similarly-sized house before, so it was a bit of a surprise to find that even with the same amount of space, it's all distributed differently, so things don't fit the same way they did before. The two older kids are sharing a room--by choice, I might add. They love sharing a room. I don't know that I love it quite so much--mainly at night when they won't stop talking or singing for hours. [They no longer nap in the same room. It was most assuredly not working.] But I'm also glad they have fun together! Speaking of the kids...
...so when Logan turned two, I had prepared myself for the ominous "terrible twos." I was all set to take them head on, no hesitation, I was ready. But then, the twos were wonderful. I mean, there were still frustrating days, of course. But the overall year, he was great! He was a pretty verbal kid, so communication wasn't an issue most of the time. He obeyed pretty well for a two year old--and being told no mostly made him sad, not angry. And he potty-trained so quickly, I don't think I believed it for a while. And I remember thinking, "If the twos are as bad as it gets, I've totally got this!" But then he turned three. And Lord have mercy, it's like he got replaced with an identical evil twin. I specifically remember we were at In-N-Out one day, and he walked up to the counter and so sweetly asked for some stickers. A little while later one of the employees came up to me and said, "Oh my gosh! If there won't so many people around, I'd steal him from you! He's just so adorable and sweet!" Obviously she was joking. But for just a minute I wanted to say, "I won't tell if you won't." Now don't take this the wrong way, I love my son. And I loved him at three. He just tested my patience a lot. The fours have been a vast improvement, I will say that. But see, he set me up to believe that the year to fear is the threes. That the twos are a breeze. [I promise I'm not trying to rhyme on purpose.] But y'all. I now fully understand the true definition of the terrible twos. My sweet little Raelyn is... well, she's the all encompassing definition of the terrible twos. I'm possibly about to lose my mind. And my voice. And my sanity. I'm ready to return my mom card. But apparently they're non-refundable and I just have to learn how to parent a terrible two year old. She will not use the potty, no matter how many bribes are offered. She endlessly tortures her big brother. Any and all consequences are either ignored or only escalate the situation. [Often both, since ignoring a consequence such as "stay in timeout" only brings about more consequences that then escalate the situation.] I've run out of consequences, y'all. And I think she knows it. All that to say, I miss Waco. For many reasons, of course, but in this moment, I miss it because I miss Mother's Day Out. We would be a week away from both of my older children going to MDO twice a week for 5.5 hours per day. I would get a break from these terrible twos. But instead, Logan gets to go to a preschool three days a week for 3 hours per day... and Raelyn stays with me. All day. Every day. Lord have mercy on my soul. However, if you happen to ever see Raelyn when she's not mad or being stubborn or being bratty, she's pretty adorable.
Other than the lack of an MDO program for Raelyn, we're adjusting to life in Tucson pretty well. Between us and the four houses around us, we have fifteen kids, 7 and younger. And we often go outside in the evenings and the kids take over the corner with an inordinate number of bikes, scooters, balls, and kid-sized cars. Logan loves it! Our neighbors have a pool, and we've gone swimming with them a few times. It's been great having such friendly neighbors with such similarly-aged kids! There's also a huge Asian food store here! I didn't have time to walk around for long, but I'm looking forward to going back one of these days. I'm still figuring out how to go out with three kids solo--I tried it today and it was probably the worst decision I'll make today. Maybe even all week. My precious Ollie does not like any baby carrier. If she's sleepy enough I can eventually get her to sleep in the Ergo. But if she's awake, she will scream the whole time. And this from a baby that 95% of the day is completely silent. She literally hardly makes any noise at all. Unless you put her in a carrier. Needless to say, our trip to Walmart this morning was our last mom + three kids Walmart trip until everyone is older. That or it has to be at a time when 1. Ollie is sleepy enough to fall asleep, 2. We don't need to buy much so the cart can be used to hold children instead of food, or 3. It's an absolute emergency. But most likely... all three. Curbside pick-up it is!
Kid Stories/Quotes:
- Often, when Logan gets hurt or is upset about something I say, "Sorry, Bud." Well... Raelyn has taken note of this. Now, whenever Logan is upset, [typically by something she's doing] she just says, "Sorry, Bud." He doesn't seem to like it much. He yells at her, "Stop calling me Bud! Call me Logan!" To which she says.. "Sorry, Bud."
- Logan: Mommy, I think we will have to go back to Texas for CG. (CG is our small group back in Waco.)
- Logan was telling the preschool director at his new preschool that his favorite Bible story is David and the giant. She was asking him some questions about it when Raelyn said, "I like Zaccheus."
- Logan: Mommy, can I go outside?
Me: You can go in the backyard. What do you want to do?
Logan: I need to search for some rocks.
You may not know this, but here in Tucson, instead of grass in our yards, we have rocks. They're really really not hard to find. But he's so proud of himself every time he finds a new rock. I'm trying to muster up some enthusiasm. But I mean... the odds were really in his favor.
- Ollie sleeps at least nine hours straight every night. Then she's awake for about an hour and then naps for another three hours. She's a chubby little thing, so I know she's getting enough to eat... but I had no idea this much uninterrupted sleep was possible at two and a half months. Now I'm just worried that once she rolls over and we have to stop swaddling her, all this sleep will be but a distant memory.
...so when Logan turned two, I had prepared myself for the ominous "terrible twos." I was all set to take them head on, no hesitation, I was ready. But then, the twos were wonderful. I mean, there were still frustrating days, of course. But the overall year, he was great! He was a pretty verbal kid, so communication wasn't an issue most of the time. He obeyed pretty well for a two year old--and being told no mostly made him sad, not angry. And he potty-trained so quickly, I don't think I believed it for a while. And I remember thinking, "If the twos are as bad as it gets, I've totally got this!" But then he turned three. And Lord have mercy, it's like he got replaced with an identical evil twin. I specifically remember we were at In-N-Out one day, and he walked up to the counter and so sweetly asked for some stickers. A little while later one of the employees came up to me and said, "Oh my gosh! If there won't so many people around, I'd steal him from you! He's just so adorable and sweet!" Obviously she was joking. But for just a minute I wanted to say, "I won't tell if you won't." Now don't take this the wrong way, I love my son. And I loved him at three. He just tested my patience a lot. The fours have been a vast improvement, I will say that. But see, he set me up to believe that the year to fear is the threes. That the twos are a breeze. [I promise I'm not trying to rhyme on purpose.] But y'all. I now fully understand the true definition of the terrible twos. My sweet little Raelyn is... well, she's the all encompassing definition of the terrible twos. I'm possibly about to lose my mind. And my voice. And my sanity. I'm ready to return my mom card. But apparently they're non-refundable and I just have to learn how to parent a terrible two year old. She will not use the potty, no matter how many bribes are offered. She endlessly tortures her big brother. Any and all consequences are either ignored or only escalate the situation. [Often both, since ignoring a consequence such as "stay in timeout" only brings about more consequences that then escalate the situation.] I've run out of consequences, y'all. And I think she knows it. All that to say, I miss Waco. For many reasons, of course, but in this moment, I miss it because I miss Mother's Day Out. We would be a week away from both of my older children going to MDO twice a week for 5.5 hours per day. I would get a break from these terrible twos. But instead, Logan gets to go to a preschool three days a week for 3 hours per day... and Raelyn stays with me. All day. Every day. Lord have mercy on my soul. However, if you happen to ever see Raelyn when she's not mad or being stubborn or being bratty, she's pretty adorable.
Other than the lack of an MDO program for Raelyn, we're adjusting to life in Tucson pretty well. Between us and the four houses around us, we have fifteen kids, 7 and younger. And we often go outside in the evenings and the kids take over the corner with an inordinate number of bikes, scooters, balls, and kid-sized cars. Logan loves it! Our neighbors have a pool, and we've gone swimming with them a few times. It's been great having such friendly neighbors with such similarly-aged kids! There's also a huge Asian food store here! I didn't have time to walk around for long, but I'm looking forward to going back one of these days. I'm still figuring out how to go out with three kids solo--I tried it today and it was probably the worst decision I'll make today. Maybe even all week. My precious Ollie does not like any baby carrier. If she's sleepy enough I can eventually get her to sleep in the Ergo. But if she's awake, she will scream the whole time. And this from a baby that 95% of the day is completely silent. She literally hardly makes any noise at all. Unless you put her in a carrier. Needless to say, our trip to Walmart this morning was our last mom + three kids Walmart trip until everyone is older. That or it has to be at a time when 1. Ollie is sleepy enough to fall asleep, 2. We don't need to buy much so the cart can be used to hold children instead of food, or 3. It's an absolute emergency. But most likely... all three. Curbside pick-up it is!
Kid Stories/Quotes:
- Often, when Logan gets hurt or is upset about something I say, "Sorry, Bud." Well... Raelyn has taken note of this. Now, whenever Logan is upset, [typically by something she's doing] she just says, "Sorry, Bud." He doesn't seem to like it much. He yells at her, "Stop calling me Bud! Call me Logan!" To which she says.. "Sorry, Bud."
- Logan: Mommy, I think we will have to go back to Texas for CG. (CG is our small group back in Waco.)
- Logan was telling the preschool director at his new preschool that his favorite Bible story is David and the giant. She was asking him some questions about it when Raelyn said, "I like Zaccheus."
- Logan: Mommy, can I go outside?
Me: You can go in the backyard. What do you want to do?
Logan: I need to search for some rocks.
You may not know this, but here in Tucson, instead of grass in our yards, we have rocks. They're really really not hard to find. But he's so proud of himself every time he finds a new rock. I'm trying to muster up some enthusiasm. But I mean... the odds were really in his favor.
- Ollie sleeps at least nine hours straight every night. Then she's awake for about an hour and then naps for another three hours. She's a chubby little thing, so I know she's getting enough to eat... but I had no idea this much uninterrupted sleep was possible at two and a half months. Now I'm just worried that once she rolls over and we have to stop swaddling her, all this sleep will be but a distant memory.
Sunday, August 5, 2018
a new chapter begins
A month or so before I graduated from high school, I wrote a song with a dear friend of mine titled "Turn the Page." In the song we sing about the challenges of leaving a place that's always been home and starting a new chapter in a place we don't know. We sing about the memories that were made, the attempts to make curfew, that last hug for a friend... And here I am, a decade later, with a whole new assortment of memories, friends, and a new home I have to leave.
I thought we would live in Waco for two years while Travis finished up at Baylor. I put forth little effort into establishing roots here because we weren't staying. But then the Lord surprised us. He kept us in Waco. In the following years, we found a wonderful church, made many incredible friendships, bought and sold our first home, bought another home, had three beautiful children... This city became home not because of where it is or what job was here, but because of the life that we lived here. The people; the memories of bringing our babies home (each to a different house, I might add); the church community that rallied around us during some very hard times. I learned how to be a wife here. I learned how to be a mother here. I'm no expert in either arena, but this is where I took my baby steps. The chorus of the song ends with, "...my heart got tied to home. And as the strings are being cut, I trust that He has a plan for leading me away. A new chapter's beginning, and I turn the page." The same way I didn't understand why the Lord kept us in Waco five years ago, I don't know why He's leading us to Tucson. It hurts. Goodbyes never get easier. But Waco became a wonderful home, and I have to trust that Tucson will too. We leave one week from tomorrow, and I know this week will be filled with lots of bittersweet tears.
On a more positive note, since I last wrote, we've added a beautiful baby girl to our family! Our sweet Olivia Rose finally arrived three days late on June 5th at 7:06 in the morning. (So I guess technically she was only two and a half days late, but each day felt like a week, so I'm rounding up for drama's sake.) I finally convinced Travis to take me to the hospital at 3:00 in the morning, we got there at 3:30, and three and a half hours later, we had ourselves a baby! Hah. I was pretty proud of myself for surviving as long as I did without my epidural (not by choice and not at all gracefully). I was dilated to 8 cm right after I got my epidural at approx. 5:30 am. They didn't check me again until I insisted on it at 6:45. (They kept telling me to let them know if I felt any pressure or like it was time to push... and I kept thinking, "Don't they know that I can't feel anything?") At that point, Olivia was so close to making her entrance into the world that the nurse begged me not to push while she found the doctor. Once the doctor arrived, I pushed for about three minutes and we had ourselves a beautiful new baby. After the emotional roller coaster of the past two years, I cried some tears of joy as I held my precious rainbow baby. I had prepared myself for the hardship of newborn life--but Ollie has been so easy. She sleeps well, she cries rarely, and for the first time, I've been able to fully enjoy my newborn baby. I haven't had any of my typical breastfeeding issues, so I've actually been able to enjoy snuggling my baby girl. Feeding her hasn't been wrought with tears and curled toes while I try to hold back screams of excruciating pain. When I saw my doctor at my six week check up, I told him, "It turns out I don't actually hate the newborn phase as much as I thought. I just really really hate mastitis and breast abscesses."
My easier time postpartum... our house here in Waco sold in two days...Travis went to Tucson for a week for work training and found a house... everything that could very easily have sent me into a hormonally induced panic attack has gone so smoothly, it's almost as if the Lord's plans really are best. ;) Anytime I started to doubt that we should be moving, something else fell into place with minimal effort. Moving is hard, but God is good. Our house is being packed on Saturday, loaded up Sunday, and we fly out Monday morning. A new chapter awaits us...so with some resistance, a lot of tears, and only the Lord's strength, we turn the page.
New Section: Kid Stories/Quotes
~ The other day, Logan was throwing a long-winded tantrum (yay for the fours!) and Raelyn looks at me and says, "Mommy, why Wogan so stubborn?"
~ Logan listening to/watching "We're Going on a Lion Hunt": "Mommy, if they don't want to find a lion, why are they going on a lion hunt?"
~ Logan: Mommy, when we move to Arizona, can we bring Ollie with us?
~ Logan: Mommy, what do you call a rat going up a hill?
Me: I don't know. What?
Logan: A rat.
Kid's got jokes! :)
~My favorite new kid word: disastrophe!
I thought we would live in Waco for two years while Travis finished up at Baylor. I put forth little effort into establishing roots here because we weren't staying. But then the Lord surprised us. He kept us in Waco. In the following years, we found a wonderful church, made many incredible friendships, bought and sold our first home, bought another home, had three beautiful children... This city became home not because of where it is or what job was here, but because of the life that we lived here. The people; the memories of bringing our babies home (each to a different house, I might add); the church community that rallied around us during some very hard times. I learned how to be a wife here. I learned how to be a mother here. I'm no expert in either arena, but this is where I took my baby steps. The chorus of the song ends with, "...my heart got tied to home. And as the strings are being cut, I trust that He has a plan for leading me away. A new chapter's beginning, and I turn the page." The same way I didn't understand why the Lord kept us in Waco five years ago, I don't know why He's leading us to Tucson. It hurts. Goodbyes never get easier. But Waco became a wonderful home, and I have to trust that Tucson will too. We leave one week from tomorrow, and I know this week will be filled with lots of bittersweet tears.
On a more positive note, since I last wrote, we've added a beautiful baby girl to our family! Our sweet Olivia Rose finally arrived three days late on June 5th at 7:06 in the morning. (So I guess technically she was only two and a half days late, but each day felt like a week, so I'm rounding up for drama's sake.) I finally convinced Travis to take me to the hospital at 3:00 in the morning, we got there at 3:30, and three and a half hours later, we had ourselves a baby! Hah. I was pretty proud of myself for surviving as long as I did without my epidural (not by choice and not at all gracefully). I was dilated to 8 cm right after I got my epidural at approx. 5:30 am. They didn't check me again until I insisted on it at 6:45. (They kept telling me to let them know if I felt any pressure or like it was time to push... and I kept thinking, "Don't they know that I can't feel anything?") At that point, Olivia was so close to making her entrance into the world that the nurse begged me not to push while she found the doctor. Once the doctor arrived, I pushed for about three minutes and we had ourselves a beautiful new baby. After the emotional roller coaster of the past two years, I cried some tears of joy as I held my precious rainbow baby. I had prepared myself for the hardship of newborn life--but Ollie has been so easy. She sleeps well, she cries rarely, and for the first time, I've been able to fully enjoy my newborn baby. I haven't had any of my typical breastfeeding issues, so I've actually been able to enjoy snuggling my baby girl. Feeding her hasn't been wrought with tears and curled toes while I try to hold back screams of excruciating pain. When I saw my doctor at my six week check up, I told him, "It turns out I don't actually hate the newborn phase as much as I thought. I just really really hate mastitis and breast abscesses."
My easier time postpartum... our house here in Waco sold in two days...Travis went to Tucson for a week for work training and found a house... everything that could very easily have sent me into a hormonally induced panic attack has gone so smoothly, it's almost as if the Lord's plans really are best. ;) Anytime I started to doubt that we should be moving, something else fell into place with minimal effort. Moving is hard, but God is good. Our house is being packed on Saturday, loaded up Sunday, and we fly out Monday morning. A new chapter awaits us...so with some resistance, a lot of tears, and only the Lord's strength, we turn the page.
New Section: Kid Stories/Quotes
~ The other day, Logan was throwing a long-winded tantrum (yay for the fours!) and Raelyn looks at me and says, "Mommy, why Wogan so stubborn?"
~ Logan listening to/watching "We're Going on a Lion Hunt": "Mommy, if they don't want to find a lion, why are they going on a lion hunt?"
~ Logan: Mommy, when we move to Arizona, can we bring Ollie with us?
~ Logan: Mommy, what do you call a rat going up a hill?
Me: I don't know. What?
Logan: A rat.
Kid's got jokes! :)
~My favorite new kid word: disastrophe!
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
when everything changes...
To this day, my parents and sisters love to tease me about my lifelong resistance to change. Growing up, we had our usual seats at the dinner table. But to me, you might as well have signed a binding contract obligating you to sit in that seat at every dinner, no matter what, till you died--or graduated high school. My less anti-change sisters always wanted to change up the seating assignments--and I would panic and reject their suggestion with gumption. My parents eventually came to a compromise: I could sit in my seat at every dinner. But if my sisters wanted to rearrange everyone else's seats, they were allowed to do that. You would think I could see the fairness in the compromise... but no. It always made me mad. And there's a part of me that still wonders if they only insisted on changing things up because it made me mad, but they'd never fess up to that. Hah! Now why am I'm telling you this riveting tale of dinner seat assignments from my childhood? I feel like it so thoroughly shows just how much I don't like change. Sitting in a different seat at the dinner table is a fairly minor thing. My life, as a whole, was not largely affected by it. Yet I resisted it with a passion.
I like structure. I like routine and consistency and planning. I don't care for spontaneity, though having children has certainly helped me loosen up in some areas. (For example, I don't have to sit in the same seat at dinner anymore. Hah!) Change is hard for me. And for whatever reason, the Lord has decided to take every familiar, stable, consistent thing in my life right now...and change it. Some of it was planned--like having a baby. (Well, more or less planned.) I've known for months now, that we were going to be adding another baby to our family. I've had plenty of time to prepare and anticipate it and mentally ready myself for all that's coming. (Not that you can fully prepare yourself for such a big change, but I chose this big change. And I'm doing everything I can to be ready for it.) But you know what happens to me when I already have a big change coming (chosen or not)? I can't handle more big changes. My emotional stability comes rapidly crashing down because for goodness' sake, that is NOT how I planned it!
At the end of February, Travis came home from work one day and told me that the Caterpillar manufacturing plant he works at (and has for five years) is shutting down at the end of the year. My whole world crumbled. On the upside, he was given plenty of time to find another job. On the downside, we're having a baby. We just bought our house. We have a wonderful community of friends. My sister just moved here last summer. I know how to get almost everywhere in Waco. We love our church. Our kids have friends here. I love HEB and don't know how to grocery shop anywhere else. I've established roots, and I don't want to pull them up ... but in the engineering world, Waco is a manufacturing town. My husband doesn't love manufacturing. He doesn't want to support an already designed process--he wants to help design the process. And to do that, we have to leave. And THAT change makes this 38 week, 4 day pregnant mama want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. But apparently the Lord wants me to learn to embrace change--all the change, all at the same time.
As of last week, Travis has accepted a new position with Caterpillar in Tucson, AZ, and we will be moving there in August.
My primary focus right now is having this baby. That's all the change I can handle right now. But in a month or so, when my precious baby girl is here, the gravity of the change will hit me. And it will hit hard. And the tears will flow and the fears will emerge...and I will have to learn how to allow change into my life gracefully. I will need to remind myself how much happier my husband will be in a job he loves. I will need to look for the positives of moving to a state I've never even been to. I will need to remind myself to be bold and make friends. But mostly, I will need to trust that the Lord has a plan for us in Tucson. It may not be where I would have chosen, but it's where HE chose, and that's what matters the most. My kids are young and resilient and desperately need me to be excited and adventurous about this change. Daddy sees and yearns for the adventure--and Mommy needs to catch the vision.
In other news...
Our sweet baby girl will be here in two-ish weeks. Give or take. [This weekend would be great since Travis has a four day weekend--but something tells me she's not paying attention to my preferences.]
My mom arrives in less than two weeks!
We survived Logan and Raelyn's joint birthday party last weekend--next year we'll get to add another party to the mix!
I've thrown all calorie caution to the wind and now eat whatever I want, whenever I want because..well, because I no longer care. 38.5 weeks, people. I'm huge. Why not embrace it at this point?
The upside of moving is that I LOVE looking at houses. And since we've moved houses at least every two years since we got married, we now know exactly what we like in a house. Silver linings, friends!
Our fridge is having problems. Again. Wouldn't you agree that this is the perfect time to not be able to use your fridge?
My exhaustion has definitely kicked in. And there's a chocolate pudding/cheesecake parfait (of my own creation, I might add) that's calling my name from our little mini fridge. So I'm going to wrap this up. Plus, I have to pick up the kids from their once-a-week save-my-sanity childcare in just a couple hours. My free time is running out! Have a wonderful day, Friends! :) And please pray for us as we embark on...well, a lot of change.
I like structure. I like routine and consistency and planning. I don't care for spontaneity, though having children has certainly helped me loosen up in some areas. (For example, I don't have to sit in the same seat at dinner anymore. Hah!) Change is hard for me. And for whatever reason, the Lord has decided to take every familiar, stable, consistent thing in my life right now...and change it. Some of it was planned--like having a baby. (Well, more or less planned.) I've known for months now, that we were going to be adding another baby to our family. I've had plenty of time to prepare and anticipate it and mentally ready myself for all that's coming. (Not that you can fully prepare yourself for such a big change, but I chose this big change. And I'm doing everything I can to be ready for it.) But you know what happens to me when I already have a big change coming (chosen or not)? I can't handle more big changes. My emotional stability comes rapidly crashing down because for goodness' sake, that is NOT how I planned it!
At the end of February, Travis came home from work one day and told me that the Caterpillar manufacturing plant he works at (and has for five years) is shutting down at the end of the year. My whole world crumbled. On the upside, he was given plenty of time to find another job. On the downside, we're having a baby. We just bought our house. We have a wonderful community of friends. My sister just moved here last summer. I know how to get almost everywhere in Waco. We love our church. Our kids have friends here. I love HEB and don't know how to grocery shop anywhere else. I've established roots, and I don't want to pull them up ... but in the engineering world, Waco is a manufacturing town. My husband doesn't love manufacturing. He doesn't want to support an already designed process--he wants to help design the process. And to do that, we have to leave. And THAT change makes this 38 week, 4 day pregnant mama want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. But apparently the Lord wants me to learn to embrace change--all the change, all at the same time.
As of last week, Travis has accepted a new position with Caterpillar in Tucson, AZ, and we will be moving there in August.
My primary focus right now is having this baby. That's all the change I can handle right now. But in a month or so, when my precious baby girl is here, the gravity of the change will hit me. And it will hit hard. And the tears will flow and the fears will emerge...and I will have to learn how to allow change into my life gracefully. I will need to remind myself how much happier my husband will be in a job he loves. I will need to look for the positives of moving to a state I've never even been to. I will need to remind myself to be bold and make friends. But mostly, I will need to trust that the Lord has a plan for us in Tucson. It may not be where I would have chosen, but it's where HE chose, and that's what matters the most. My kids are young and resilient and desperately need me to be excited and adventurous about this change. Daddy sees and yearns for the adventure--and Mommy needs to catch the vision.
In other news...
Our sweet baby girl will be here in two-ish weeks. Give or take. [This weekend would be great since Travis has a four day weekend--but something tells me she's not paying attention to my preferences.]
My mom arrives in less than two weeks!
We survived Logan and Raelyn's joint birthday party last weekend--next year we'll get to add another party to the mix!
I've thrown all calorie caution to the wind and now eat whatever I want, whenever I want because..well, because I no longer care. 38.5 weeks, people. I'm huge. Why not embrace it at this point?
The upside of moving is that I LOVE looking at houses. And since we've moved houses at least every two years since we got married, we now know exactly what we like in a house. Silver linings, friends!
Our fridge is having problems. Again. Wouldn't you agree that this is the perfect time to not be able to use your fridge?
My exhaustion has definitely kicked in. And there's a chocolate pudding/cheesecake parfait (of my own creation, I might add) that's calling my name from our little mini fridge. So I'm going to wrap this up. Plus, I have to pick up the kids from their once-a-week save-my-sanity childcare in just a couple hours. My free time is running out! Have a wonderful day, Friends! :) And please pray for us as we embark on...well, a lot of change.
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